Archives for the 'Humour' Category
What Not to Give for Valentine’s Day [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the caramel ones.
Lingerie that you think will look almost as good on her as on the Victoria’s Secret model.
Any clothing item with the words “push-up” or “slim-down” on the label.
Any food item with the words “diet”, [...]
Top 10 Lies You Hear All the Time [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
We’ll stay only five minutes.
This will be a short meeting.
I’ll respect you in the morning.
The check is in the mail.
I’m from the government, and I’m here to help you.
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
Your money will be cheerfully refunded.
We service what we sell.
Your table will be ready in just a [...]
22 Annoying Things to do in an Elevator [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask “Got enough air in there?”
Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you’re embarrassed when they open themselves.
Greet everyone with a [...]
Definitions that Got Missed in the Dictionary [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Gargoyle [...]
Top Ten Reasons to Celebrate Old Christmas Day [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
10. Two more weeks to get your Christmas cards mailed.
9. The fruitcake from Great-Aunt Bertha has 12 more days to petrify.
8. Chances for a “White Christmas” are better in January.
7. You have room to pig out again a few days after all the other parties are over.
6. Airports are less-crowded.
5. You don’t [...]
10 New Year’s Resolutions You Are Guaranteed to Keep [Ian's Messy Desk]
If you find it difficult keeping the resolutions you make at the start of the year, perhaps you’re taking the wrong approach. I think you will find the following 10 resolutions virtually impossible to break.
This year, I resolve to…
Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
Stop exercising.
Read less.
Watch more TV.
Procrastinate more.
Stop bringing lunch from home and eat out [...]
Psychiatric Christmas Carols [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
More Christmas carol humour: a re-run from last year…
Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are
Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and [...]
Guess the Christmas Carol [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
Last week’s fractured carol lyrics should have been easy to sort out. Figuring out the following twenty carols may take a little more thought.
Someone, with an out-of-control vocabulary, got a hold of twenty common Christmas carols and re-worked the titles. How many of them can you identify?
Bleached Yule
Castaneous-coloured Seed Vesicated in a [...]
USBwine! [[Productivity Workflows]]
A great idea for Christmas: the USBwine!
The video is in French - bien sûr! - but this should not be an issue!
See www.usbwine.com
Bookmark to:
Original post here: Pascal Venier
The Top 10 Fractured Christmas Carol Lyrics [Ian's Messy Desk]
A Friday Funny
I would have thought “While Shepherds Washed Their Socks By Night” would have made the list.
Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
We three kings of porridge and tar
On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me
Later on we’ll perspire, as we dream by the fire.
Noel. Noel, Barney’s the king of Israel.
With the [...]