Archives for the 'Humour' Category
Extreme Designer Dogs [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
I was in a bookstore the other day and saw the book, Complete Idiots Guide Designer Dogs. I have to admit, I didn’t realize it was possible to design your own dog. My dog is a Black Lab, Border Collie cross. I didn’t design him, he just came that way.
Mikey’s Funnies had [...]
Rules for the Office Employee Handbook [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
Variations on this piece has been around as long as there have joke lists on the Internet. I imagine the original source of this joke have been lost in the mists of Internet time.
DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you [...]
10 “Practical†Anti-Crime Slogans [Ian's Messy Desk]
Take a Bite out of Crime. It tastes like Chicken.
Crime wouldn’t pay if the government ran it.
Thank you for pot smoking.
Fight Crime. Shoot back!
I say “no” to drugs but they just won’t listen!
Don’t lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
Don’t steal. The government hates competition.
Only users lose drugs
Drugs are for those who can’t handle reality. Reality is [...]
14 Old Testament Ways to Get a Wife [Ian's Messy Desk]
Forget eHarmony or any other on-line matchmaking service. If you need some tips on finding a wife, maybe these examples from the Old Testament will help.
Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
Find a prostitute [...]
Cat Quotes [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
After last week’s collection of dog quotes, my daughter—a cat person—felt felines deserved equal time.
Beware of people who dislike cats. —Irish Proverb
Any member introducing a dog into the Society’s premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat. [...]
Dog Quotes [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.” —Gene Hill
“In dog years, I’m dead.” —Unknown
“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.” —Dave Barry
“Outside of a dog, [...]
10 Annoying Things to Do at Work [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
Okay, you’ve annoyed them at Wal-Mart and in an elevator. Now it’s time to unleash your aggravating behaviour at work.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “In.”
Put [...]
Musical Artists Who Belong Together [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
Anita Baker and Humble Pie
Asleep at The Wheel and ZZ Top
Bad Company and Motley Crue
Blondie and Split Enz
Bob Dylan and Wheezer
Boston and Cream
Cracker and The Jam
Crash Test Dummies and Third Eye Blind
Cream and Puff Daddy
Dizzy Gilespie and Ten Times Fast
Donna Summer and Edgar Winter
Eddie Rabbit and Echo & the Bunnymen
Fine Young [...]
Dilbert’s Salary Theorem [Productivity, Growth and Sales Blog]
Hey, I think the tech people deserve to be paid well.
But as Greek programmer Nick Georgakis reminds me…
Dilbert’s “Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives, sales people, accountants and especially liberal arts majors.”
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two [...]
A Post Valentine’s Punny [Ian's Messy Desk]
Posted in Friday Funny
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?A hog and kisses!
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?It was Valenswine’s Day!
What did the Valentines card say to the stamp?Stick with me and we’ll go places!
Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?Sure, they’re very scent-imental!
What did the chocolate syrup say to [...]