Have some fun with telemarketers [Ian's Messy Desk]

Is there anything more aggravating than a call from a telemarketer? Probably… but telemarketing calls are in the top ten. While there are legitimate ways you can deal with telemarketers, why not have some fun with the process.

The next time your supper is interrupted by that call, try one of these:

• Speak as if you can’t hear anything while the telemarketer makes a pitch. “Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Oh, I guess not.” Then hang up.
• Tell the telemarketer that you will be with them in a moment; you have a call on the other line. Pretend to transfer to the other line, but don’t. Speak to the “other caller” and tell them you have some dumb telemarketer on the other line.
• If you can, speak a foreign language. If not, make one up. If the telemarketer happens to speak the same language, switch back to English and pretend you don’t understand them.
• For calls from carpet cleaning services: “You clean carpets? Fantastic, you’re just what I need. Can you get blood out of carpets? Yes? A whole lot of blood? I’ve got a lot of blood on my carpet, it’s everywhere, and I need some help, fast. Can you come over right away? Don’t let anyone know you’re coming OK?”
• If they want you to apply for a credit card, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could use some money.
• Telemarketer: “How are you today?”
  Response: “It’s nice of you to ask. I’m a bit upset because my cat got the runs. And, just last night, I felt this twinge in my back as I was bending over to take care of a hangnail on my toe. Have you ever had one of those? I hope not, because it’s as bad as an itchy scalp, and I’ve got that all the time. You just don’t know the pain I’m in. Last night, I turned over and…”
• Telemarketer: “Is Mr. or Mrs. Maynard there?”
  Response: “No I’m sorry, they’re not.”
  Telemarketer: “When will they be in?”
  Response: “Well, they died…”
• The Seinfeld classic: (in response to a telemarketer) “Thanks for calling. Say, I’m a bit busy right now. Would you mind giving me your home telephone number? …Oh, you don’t like getting business calls at your home? Well, neither do I. Good-bye.”
• Telemarketer: “Is this Mr. Smith?”
  Response: “Yes.”
  Telemarketer: “How are you today?”
  Response: “Fine thank you.”
  Telemarketer: “I’m conducting a survey on behalf of candidate Stanley Liebigski. Could I ask you a few questions?”
  Response: “You just did.”

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Original post here: Ian McKenzie

20 July 2007 | Fun, Humour | Comments